Kathak
by MusicDancer
Summary: Prince Levi lives in British India, a time when Kathak dancers are common. His perception of Kathak and the people who perform it is changed when a green-eyed courtesan arrives at his father's court. What is this courtesan hiding though? And will Levi find a way to have a secret relationship with the courtesan? RIREN/ERERI/RivaillexEren/LevixEren
1. Courtesans

_**Kathak is a classical North Indian dance form that I've been doing for 11 years, class every week, studio an hour away one-way. I'm dedicated to it. In any case, but I decided to set this in British courts in India. The historical facts say that Kathak wasn't performed much after the Moguls, but here it is. And normally, courtesans are female. Keep that in mind :) If anyone wants more information, PM me please! I will include Kathak terms that I'll explain at the end. **_

_Levi _

I sat on my throne, feeling the gentle breeze of the maids that waved fans to keep away the flies. My father, the king of this region of India, sat on the main throne, watching as the diplomats from a neighboring kingdom came in. I watched, bored as anything as poems were read in my father's praise, speeches given, god, it was depressing. They brought in gifts of gold and jewels. I saw emeralds and diamonds and rubies and sapphires. My father smiled appreciatively as the one of the diplomats introduced a performance of Kathak. Great, another boring dance. Don't get me wrong, Kathak's great and all, but honestly, I was not looking forward to watching a Kathak dancer doing the same sequences in Hindi. I looked around and leaned on my pale hand, utterly uninterested. I heard the sound of the _harmonium_ and the _tablas_, along with a singer's voice calling attention with long, smooth notes. I heard the jingling of _ghungroos_, probably 100 of them per foot if the dancer was performing here. That was the normal number for a courtesan. I glanced over to the courtesan to see if watching her was worth my time. She sat on the floor, dressed in a purple and silver _angarakha_, silver jewelry adorning her hands and head. Her hair was covered by the cloth and a long brown braid hung down her back. The skirt was spread around her and one foot and ankle covered with the _ghungroos _was stretched out from under the skirt. Her hands held a _dupatta_ over her face and the other end of it covered the lower half of her face. She looked out from under the cloth as the singer began warbling in Sanskrit. And I couldn't look away.

The courtesan's eyes were a bright green, more potent than the emeralds I had seen earlier. The stared at me above the cloth that covered her nose and mouth. She flipped her hands out and her expression changed as the Sanskrit continued. I didn't understand any of the words but I understood the expressions this courtesan made. She locked eyes with me and rose with fluid grace, expression flirtatious yet serious. Her hands moved with precision as her long fingers rolled, stuck together, no gap showing between them. She moved towards the main throne and did a _salaam_ to my father, her jewelry glistening. She backed up, eyes expressive. She launched into _tatkar_ that made me catch my breath. It was lightning fast and her feet slapped against the marble floor in sharp contrast to the chiming of her bells. She held her skirt in her hands drawing attention to her feet. I looked up to see her eyes locked onto me, a slight crinkling at the corners my only clue that she was smiling. I'd never known a Kathak dancer that covered her face, but then again, I'd never seen a Kathak dancer with this much grace and beauty. It was like the Hindu goddess Laxmi had poured all her beauty into this one dancer. The courtesan started doing _chakras_, whirling like a hurricane. She stuck her position, whirling so fast her _angarakha_ spread like a fan, revealing slim legs in purple pants, like it was supposed to. I looked at her face. She stared seriously at me, eyes direct.

She kept dancing in the hall, finally directing her attention to others seated in the hall, but she still looked at me more than was warranted. When she finally stuck the main pose and the Sanskrit words finally faded away, I couldn't even clap. She had literally stolen my ability to think independently. All I could think about was her smoldering eyes, her perfect form, her grace.

Her eyes crinkled as my father gave her praise. She gave another _salaam_ and then walked backwards out of the room to where a few other women stood. They all left, giggling and grinning happily around that one special dancer. She turned her head to lock eyes with me one last time, and something foreign crossed them as her eyes darkened from their potent emeralds to grass on a stormy day. It looked like... Sorrow.

* * *

"Did you enjoy the performance, Levi?" my father asked me at dinner.

"Yes sir, I've never seen anything like it," I answered, swallowing the food in my mouth.

"You did very well," he addressed the courtesan. Courtesans were never allowed to dine with the royal family and diplomats, but an exception had been made for this green-eyed dancer.

Her eyes crinkled above the cloth that always covered her lower face and she looked at the woman who sat next to her.

"She's grateful for your praise," the woman said. She was a good deal shorter than the dancer.

"Why won't you speak?" my father asked.

The dancer looked quickly at the woman, a little fear entering her eyes.

"She dislikes her voice. She wants only to be judged by her dancing," the woman replied.

"Is there something we could call her?" I asked, watching the Kathak dancer. Her eyes dropped shyly to her plate, their green amplified by the white tunic and pants she wore. They were almost play clothes for normal Indian women, except these were richly embroidered with gold thread. The white cloth that covered her lower face remained unmoved as the food on her plate was untouched.

"Call her Sikari," the woman answered, eyes glinting with amusement.

"Sikari," I murmured, loving the way it tasted on my lips. Sikari looked up at me, eyes glinting with mirth.

"Why aren't you eating?" my father asked.

"She prefers not to show her face in public," the woman answered.

I looked at the woman. "What should we call you?"

"Just call me Carla," she smiled.

"Are you British? You have that accent," my father commented.

"No, German, but I lived among British people for a long time," she answered. I noticed she had the same skin tone as Sikari, the same hands, the same nose shape (from what I could see of Sikari's nose).

"Are you two related?" I asked.

"Sikari's my daughter. I've an adopted one back in Germany with her father. She wants to be a composer. Sikari's the only one who wanted to learn Kathak. I'm glad she did," Carla answered. Sikari glanced down at Carla, her gaze sharp. Carla looked up and sighed at her daughter. Sikari looked back up to meet my gaze. The corners of her eyes crinkled.

* * *

"Sikari's a wonderful dancer," my mother commented as she and my father escorted me to my room, a sure sign that they had something serious to tell me.

"What is it?" I asked, crossing my arms and leaning against my doorframe.

"Levi," Mother chastised, but Father held up a hand to silence her.

"Levi, I saw how you looked at Sikari at dinner," he started. "And I want you to know that relationships between courtesans and royalty are forbidden. You know that."

I felt my heart sink a little into my stomach, but kept my expression neutral, something I had a lot of practice with since my parents were mostly inattentive to me.

"I want you to know that because Sikari will be a permanent resident at this court now."

My heart sank even further. Not only was I not allowed to be with her, but they would torture me but making me see her every day.

"Yes Father," I murmured, and backed into my bedchamber, my heart in my feet.

I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about Sikari. My father and mother were unfortunately right. I was fancying Sikari. I'd fallen for her grace, her lithe movements, her green eyes, the way the corners of her eyes crinkled, the only indication she smiled. Her beauty was extreme, and I hadn't even seen her entire face. I sighed and rolled over, praying for sleep to come quickly. And while it did, my dreams were filled with those potent eyes.

_**Harmonium- an box shaped instrument with a keyboard and the sound comes out when air is pumped through the instrument using a kind of fanned pump. One hand pumps the instrument, the other plays the keyboard. **_

_**Tablas- a set of two drums, one for a deep bass sound, the other for a sharp tap. **_

_**Ghungroos- bells worn around the ankles of Kathak dancers. They're the size of grapes, and made of brass. They're attached to a rope that's wound around the ankle. Most dancers start out with 25 per foot, then advance to 50, then 75, then 100 per foot. I wear 100 currently. Most women wear 100 per foot because of stature, while men wear 200-250 per foot.**_

_**Angarakha- traditional performance outfit with a pleated skirt that flares out when Kathak dancers turn.**_

_**Dupatta- a scarf**_

_**Salaam- an Islamic greeting (Kathak is influenced heavily by Mogul culture, therefore Islamic culture). A person sups their right hand and brings it close to their face while bowing.**_

_**Tatkar- footwork that has many variations**_

_**Chakras- quick spins**_

_**Message me if you have questions! And btw, Sikari is Gujarati for "hunter".**_


	2. Sikari

_Levi_

I strode away from the dining table after breakfast, walking fast towards Sikari's quarters. I saw a few servants pass me and look strangely. One quick glance from me and they scurried away, fear clearly etched in their faces. I approached Sikari's chamber and knocked quickly. I knew how stupid I was being. If I got caught, it would be bad for the both of us. But I had to see her. I was nothing if not up front.

Carla's voice called out, "Who is it?"

"Levi," I said, voice a little hoarse to my ears.

The door clicked open to reveal Sikari dressed in red today, lower face still covered. She towered over me, but her emerald eyes sparkled.

"Prince Levi! It's such an honor!" Carla babbled, bobbing behind Sikari.

I held up my hand, "Calm, please, Carla, I hate excessive noise. I came to speak with Sikari."

Sikari's eyes glittered curiously, and she half-turned to her mother, her Kathak grace still evident even in her normal movements. She motioned for something, using expressive gestures to illustrate what she wanted. She pressed her palms together and then opened them so her palms faced up to the ceiling. Then she touched the forefinger and thumb of her right hand together and drew the tips of them across the flattened hand. Opening a book, and writing. Carla moved inside and returned with a small tablet of paper and a graphite stick. Sikari took them and jerked her head towards the empty hall. She walked away with me and we found a small bench to sit on. I sat and made Sikari sit as well.

"It's just me, don't be shy," I said.

Sikari blushed and sat beside me, head bowed. I stared at her profile. Her eyes glittered like wet grass above the red _dupatta_ and her slim figure was sheathed in a Punjabi outfit. Her long brown hair fell in a long braid, peeking out from under the _dupatta_ that covered her head. She glanced at me and began writing.

_"Is there something you wanted, your Highness?"_

Her handwriting was delicate and spidery.

"Call me Levi," I said.

Her eyes widened even more than their normal large size. _"No! I couldn't!"_

"Yes, you will," I commanded.

She ducked her head shyly and hesitantly scratched out, _"Alright, Levi."_

"Sikari, I want you to know I fancy you," I said quietly.

Her eyes flashed and grew apprehensive.

"I know, it's forbidden. But I've never been good about following rules. But I want to know if you would mind, perhaps, taking a chance. Seeing if you fancy me too. Have something secret. I know," I said, holding up a hand to her aghast eyes. "It's very quick. But I would like to see more of you."

Blush spread up her cheeks. She picked up the stick, set it down, and repeated that several times.

"You don't have to give me an answer right away," I chuckled.

She looked at me, grateful. She wrote, _"Allow me some time to think, Prince Levi."_

"Of course, but it's Levi," I stated.

Her eyes crinkled and she stood. She bowed and walked back to her chamber. I reclined on the bench, wondering what her answer would be. Ultimately, it boiled down to if she was willing to risk Kathak for me.

* * *

I sat in the throne room, drumming my fingers anxiously as I waited for Sikari to appear for the first time as a courtesan of Father's court. Mother cast me a sharp look and I shrugged, making it look as if I was ready for this to be over. She gave an approving nod and my stomach clenched in anger. Damn them.

A jingling announced Sikari's entrance. She wore a grey _angarakha_, and I realized with a shock that it was the same grey as my eyes. She gave a _salaam_ to the court and posed, awaiting the melody to erupt from the singer's throat and the _harmonium_ and _tablas_. A long, stretched note announced the beginning of the song, and words poured from the singer's mouth.

_Pyaar kiyaa to darnaa kyaa  
Jab pyaar kiyaa to darnaa kyaa_

I blanched slightly and l glanced over to my father. He was smiling and swaying, completely oblivious to the words meaning. The gist was, "I have loved, why should I be afraid?" She was telling me she was willing to take a risk. But she could have told me without this. What if my father had understood?

I settled uneasily back into my seat, watching as Sikari's eyes cut to mine, potent and focused above the grey cloth. The song trailed on and I had all concerned wiped from my mind as I watched her dance. I swear, every time I watched her dance, I fancied her more and more. I was falling deeper and deeper into this treacherous hole, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to escape.

* * *

I found Sikari after the performance and pulled her off to the side to speak with her.

"Sikari, why? What if my father spoke Hindi? What if he knew?" I demanded. "I don't want to see you hurt."

Sikari's shimmering green eyes crinkled and she set a hand against my chest, shaking her head, her expression clear in her eyes, "_He would never know_."

I sighed and looked directly into her eyes. "This means you'll try with me?"

Sikari smiled and nodded, then bowed and backed away, returning to her mother.

I watched her go, and I felt a smile threatening to break through my mask. She would try.

_**So, there will be a small time skip next chapter. Bear with me, I'm still working on writing angst, I'm bad at it :PPP Sorry it's so short **_

_**Please review and message me questions!**_


	3. Revealed

_Levi_

I saw her every day for three months on end. And every week at the minimum, she'd perform, and I'd fall for her all over again. Sikari's beautiful gestures, her lithe, slender figure, her fierce green eyes. I'd fall harder for her every time she's look at me, every time I watched her eyes turn up a little, every time I felt her beside me, every time I caught a whiff of her scent, metal from her _ghungroos_ and incense. I couldn't deny, I was in love. So on our three month anniversary, I planned to tell her.

* * *

"Bring her to the gazebo," I ordered my favorite servant. I considered her more of a friend and confidant. Petra had been with us since she and I were young, we had grown up with our positions, and she knew everything about Sikari and I. Petra grinned and moved away on quick feet as I looked once again in the mirror. I adjusted my _salwaar kameez_ and stared at the way the blue made my skin look paler, almost like the marble that Sikari blessed with her Kathak. I ran my hand under my hair, over the shaved portion that created the undercut. My onyx hair stood out in stark contrast with my skin, and my eyes were the grey of storm clouds.

I walked to said gazebo, a quiet, secret place that was extremely well hidden. I used it as a child to hide from the court doctor, Hanji Zoe. Now, it was our island. If you went into the garden, turned right at the roses and walked to the wall, you'd find a small engraving of a panther on one of the stones. It had one paw lifted, and if you followed the paw to the small notch in the wall, you could slip inside and you were in the gazebo. The notch was covered by ivy, so you had to push it aside to get in.

It was small with a pond beside a bench of marble. Lotuses and lilies floated in the water and perfumed the air. I sat on the bench and stared at my hands, a lump appearing in my throat. I fidgeted, impatient for her. I heard a rustle and saw Petra lift the ivy aside to let Sikari in. I sucked in a breath. She wore a forest green Punjabi outfit that was stitched with blue and white wings that overlapped. Her _dupatta_ covered her head and lower face, and her emerald eyes glittered as she saw me.

"Sikari," I breathed, smiling. I had done that a lot around her. I'd smiled more in these three months than I had in my 20 years of life.

She sat beside me and wrote on the pad she brought, "_Hello, Levi._"

"How are you?"

"_Wonderful. And you?_"

"I've something to tell you, Sikari."

Her eyes softened as she looked questioningly at me.

"Sikari, I love you," I said.

Her eyes widened with alarm and she shook her head quickly, pressing her hands against my chest. I could read that message clearly, "_No, don't say that._"

"Why not? It's true," I said, surprised.

She dropped her hands and looked at me sadly.

"I love you Sikari. God, I fell for your Kathak. I'm in love with who you are, I don't know what your face truly looks like, and I still think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. It's been three months since we decided to try this. And I love you. Your soul, your dance, your personality is beautiful."

She looked sideways at me, then reached for her pad. "_I,_" she hesitated, and then continued writing. "_love you. But Levi, would you still love me if I wasn't who you thought I was?" _

I looked at her curiously, "Of course I would."

"_Are you sure? What if I was nowhere near who you thought I was?" _

Her emerald eyes glittered as they stared into my own eyes. Tears shimmered on the surface.

"You couldn't change your personality, so I'd still love you."

She stared at the water, the lotuses and lilies reflected in her eyes. She seemed torn in a decision. Her pupils slid back and forth with the pools of emerald, unable to stay in one place. Her hands moved. She glanced down at the pad in her lap long enough to write something, then looked back at the water.

"_I still love you, no matter what you chose. Please forgive me_."

Her slender hands reached up for the part of the _dupatta_ that covered her mouth and nose. I watched eagerly. She reached to the ear on the side of her away from me. She pulled the cloth away from that cheek, creating a curtain still shielding her lower face she looked at me, sorrow evident in her eyes. They said, "_I'm sorry_." She let the cloth drop.

A defined chin and strong jaw. Pouty lips that were pressed in a concerned line. High arching cheekbones. A sharp nose. I stared at this Kathak dancer's face, taking in the overall effect of it all. Only the eyes remained the same, potent green eyes swimming with tears. I felt the shock sink in and stared.

The features were definitely masculine. Her- his lips moved. A smooth, airy yet deep voice sounded a perfect pairing for the male features dominated by those green eyes I had loved so dearly.

"My name isn't Sikari; Sikari is the Gujarati word that's synonymous with my last name. My name is Eren Jaeger. And I'm so sorry Levi. I truly love you, and I'm so sorry."

_**Salwaar kameez- a tunic and baggy pants, usually worn by men, but now they make some specifically for women.**_

_**Please review. PM me if you have any questions!**_


	4. Lust

_Levi_

I stared in horror at the man sitting beside me in women's clothing. Sika- Eren- reached up and pulled the scarf off her-his- head. There was a net covering his head and attached to that was a long brown braid. She- He- pulled the net away to reveal chocolaty brown hair that fell into points over her- his goddammit! - tanned forehead. Eren looked at me with those eyes that were so beautiful to me. They were still beautiful... Weren't they?

"I'm... I'm so sorry I had to lie to you, Levi," Eren choked out, his voice deep and airy. "I... I wanted... I needed to keep dancing. But I couldn't let people find out... Courtesans aren't male, they have to be female. And I can't... I'm so sorry, Levi."

A voice sounded, and it took me a moment to realize it was mine. "It's 'Your Highness' or 'Prince Levi' to you." I sounded cold and removed and uncaring. Back to my old self.

Eren looked up at me, despair in his face, but yet, not surprise. "I'm so sorry, Prince Levi."

I stood, hatred and heartbreak racing through me like wildfire. I moved to walked away, but felt a long fingered grasp on my wrist.

"Don't tell anyone about me, please!" Eren pleaded from behind me.

Disgust flooded my veins. I wrenched my arm free and backhanded him.

Eren tumbled to the ground, the smack of flesh on flesh echoing around the small area. The boy looked up at me, shock and anger shimmering in his large eyes.

"Don't you dare touch me, _courtesan_," I spat, voice brimming with malice.

"Please," he sobbed, a red mark blooming on his tanned cheek.

I inspected my hand for any dirt or filth as I replied, "I won't, but expect no other favors from me, scum." My inspection didn't matter; I still felt dirty. I glared down at the young man sprawled on the ground with disdain. "Goodbye, _Sikari_," I hissed, then stormed away.

I knocked past servants on my way to get to the stables. I had to ride, get away, before I did something stupid like cry. I heard Petra running after me, and she caught my arm.

"Your Highness, what happened?" she gasped. She had obviously been running.

"Nothing," I hissed. "Now let go, Petra."

She released me with a hurt expression on her face, and I stepped into the stables, finding my horse. Strong and tall, the black horse eyed me with one liquid white eye as I saddled him. I swung myself onto the horse with ease despite my height. I rode the horse out, and kicked him into a full gallop, riding away, far away from everyone.

I reached a small grove far away, rage building in my heart at the person I thought I had loved. Why? How did I even fall? How stupid was I to fall? I fell... No, that's the wrong word. I _lusted _after someone horrible. I thought, I deluded myself into thinking it was love but it's nowhere near. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted, _wanted_. How dirty a person must I be to stoop that low as to lust after a courtesan? And then, the worst blow to my pride, the fact that I was tricked. Deceived into perceiving Eren as a girl when I had wondered why the face was covered and why there was little to no figure beneath the cotton cloth.

I halted the horse sharply and turned it to face towards the castle. I felt anger building in my system and I knew I could let it out now, or seethe and let the secret out that I had... I had disobeyed and lusted for a courtesan. I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth against the feeling bubbling in my chest. It worked its way up and forced its way past my teeth into the air as a shout that grew to a yell of anger and rage. I screamed, tossing my head back and letting the sound erupt from my throat. I heard birds caw angrily at the disturbance, but I could not have given two literal shits. The sound died in my throat, and as I shut my mouth, a sob ground its way out. I bowed my head, cursing myself at the tears that slid from my eyes.

So this is what heartbreak felt like. And it was because I was filthy enough to touch a courtesan. And a male! Eren, how dirty, I had possessed feelings for a man! I yelled in frustration.

When I went back inside, my father caught me coming in.

"Levi, good, oh god, where were you?" he said, looking at my disheveled state.

"Riding," I ground out.

"Well, change, you look disgusting. We have more guests coming tonight. Do you have any idea where Sikari might be?" he said absently.

"I don't know," I shoved past an aching heart. I bowed and left to go take a bath.

I let the maids fill up the bath and slid in, leaving my clothes nicely folded on the chest of drawers. I sighed as the water's warmth seeped into me. Exhaustion washed over me, and I sank into the water, deciding to take a little nap.

_I ran as fast as I could to the gallows. I couldn't let them get hurt. I burst into the clearing and saw Eren, green eyes locking onto mine. That beautiful green, paired with that tanned skin and that smooth brown hair made my heart leap. Eren looked at me, saddened.  
"I know why you did it, and I can't blame you." His clear voice rang out to me like a bell as a guard slapped him, drawing blood from his mouth, the chastisement for speaking to me.  
I watched in horror as they slipped the noose around his neck and tightened it. The guard reached for the lever..._

I burst from the water with a loud gasp. I looked wildly around to see I was still in the bath, though the water had gone cold and gray.

"Tch," I snarled, and climbed out, wrapping a towel around me as I dried off. I shivered at the dream and cursed myself. Lust, that was all I had felt. Now, I couldn't even look at him without remembering my shameful pursuit of him.

I dressed and emerged to a very irritated Petra.

"What the hell happened, Levi?" she demanded. We were alone, and since she was my closest friend, only she could address me like this.

"It didn't work out. It was just lust, Petra," I shrugged, feeling the disgust and ache in my heart.

Petra scoffed. "Levi, you are so dense."

I looked at Petra, eyes wide with incredulity.

"You don't _lust_, Levi. You're not that petty. I know you, and when you feel things, they're real. Don't dismiss this as lust, even if you saw parts of Sikari that you never want to see again," she snapped.

I waved my hand, "I made a mistake this time, Petra. It's just lust." Even as I said it, I felt a pinch in my heart.

Petra rolled her eyes and stormed out, leaving me to sit on the bed and turn over in my mind what she had said. What I felt was real? I had no capacity for petty emotions? I stared at the ground. I remember hating a man who came to our court. Nile Dok was his name. I hated him at first glance, and I told Father he didn't act like a guest. Father had waved aside my concerns until a guard caught Dok stealing from the treasury. Father was able to recover all the stolen wealth, and praised my intuition. He promised to acknowledge my feelings about people more often. As good a ruler as he was, he didn't follow through. I rubbed the back of my head. What was Petra trying to say? I actually loved that peasant? Tch.

A knock sounded on my door, and a very sour looking Petra poked her head in.

"It's time to go to the welcoming," she snipped.

I stood and sighed, following Petra to the throne room. I settled into my seat, glancing around the room and giving small smiles to the various guests. Father stood and clapped his hands to quiet everyone.

"A performance from our prized courtesan, Sikari," my father announced.

I felt a chill settle on my shoulders as Eren took a seat in the middle of the floor, _angarakha_ spread, face covered again. Eren looked up as a saddened tune erupted from the singer's throat, matching his eyes exactly.

Eren glanced at me once the entire performance, for which I was grateful. I'd lust again after him... What? I'd lust after a male? Impossible... But when Eren glanced at me, eye to eye, for that second, I felt my heart yank painfully. I cursed myself. It was shameful enough that I'd lusted after a _courtesan_, but it was worse that the courtesan was _male_.

I retreated back to my room after the performance, not wanting to stick around where Eren was. I lay in bed and felt angry tears slide down my cheeks. I wanted to say I lusted after Eren. That would be the most logical and cleanest way to acknowledge it. But every time I caught a glance of brown hair, every time I smelled incense or metal, every time I saw emeralds, I could feel my heart clench. Love or Lust? _Love or Lust?_ Love for a man? Or lust for an image?

_**PM with questions! And please review**_


	5. Past

_Eren_

I sank back into the cushions of the low bench in my quarters after a performance. "_11 months_" I mused. I had been here for 11 months. I felt my throat clench as I thought of what that meant.

"_8 months since Levi realized he despised me._"

I got up and started working off my performance outfit in an attempt to clear my mind. But as usual, it didn't work. Amidst all the blurred colors and echoing sounds and exclamations of praise, one thing, one person stood out against the rest, the one steady spot in the hurricane of sensations that made up my dancing memories.

So much shorter than me, but radiating so much power and strength. The soft smile that he had given me when he thought I was female... I cursed myself. Another reason to hate my gender. But yet, even when I'd been heart-broken by him, he was still beautiful. Stormy grey eyes that looked like smoke curling from incense tips, ever shifting, shapes indiscernible. Hair that looked like it was the color of the other side of the moon. Pale skin that reminded me of snow from home. Home... Oh, what a word that was.

I was born in Germany, born to a Dr. Grisha Jaeger and Carla Jaeger. When I was still young, our family had adopted my sister, Mikasa. We grew up together, along with my supremely intelligent friend, Armin. Now, all of us 18, we had gone our separate ways. Armin decided to go into science, and he was enrolled at one of the top schools in Germany. Mikasa had a supreme talent for... Well, most everything. But her passion was music, oddly enough. She was back with Father, learning and training. How I got into Kathak was a complete chance, oddly enough.

Mother and I heard of a Kathak dancer performing near us when I was 13, and the family went. We walked in and I saw the man standing, dressed in a beautiful _salwaar kameez_, wearing stage makeup to make his features more noticeable. He was older, with a younger male at his side. I immediately saw how the younger man moved with grace, and how the older man moved with age but dignity, remnants of the younger's dancing grace in his movements. We sat and I watched as the lights dimmed and the _tablas_ and _harmonium_ and _sitar_ started up, along with a high, heavily-accented Indian voice speaking perfect German. She explained what the _tukras_ were called, and the specific characteristics of each. She introduced the younger man, who danced with such vigor and spirit and energy that I couldn't help but cheer as he finished. He joined the woman singing and added to her soprano his baritone, cultured and precise. The two introduced the older man, and when the older emerged and moved to the center of the stage, I lost the ability to breathe.

He moved with such grace and maturity, the polar opposite of the younger dancer. He was precise and smooth and ageless on stage. He changed expressions with such ease that it seemed he wasn't dancing at all, but just going through everyday life. His age added dignity to his dancing, and he looked confidant and steady. When he finished, I felt tears down my face.

When we exited the theater, I ran up to the older.

"You were beautiful!" I exclaimed.

The man smiled at me, confusion crossing his features, until the younger man grinned and said something in a smooth tongue, probably Hindi. The older's eyes brightened and he replied back in the tongue.

"He says, 'Thank you'," the younger replied to me in German.

"Could he teach me?" I asked.

"Eren!" I heard my father scold.

The younger laughed and told the older. The two had an exchange and the younger replied, "He wouldn't mind seeing if you have any talent."

I swallowed, hard. "I've never been trained before."

The younger waved his hand, "If your parents would consent, we could meet you here for a few days, just to see." I could see in his eyes he didn't expect me to do well. I felt resolve burn in my gut. I'd show him.

The next day, I came in and was shown the very basics of _tatkar_. The older was impressed by how quickly I had picked up on it. He moved onto _mudras_, I had those down. By the end of the lesson, he was chattering happily to a dumbstruck younger.

"He says that he'd... He'd like you to come back with us, so you could be trained by his _guru_," he said faintly.

I begged my mother, to let me go. I don't think she'd ever seen me so determined to do something, so I assume that's why she came with me. I received training and became very good. The words of the various _tukras_ flowed in my veins like blood; the gestures lingered in my movements, the music in my breath, the sound of _ghungroos_ constantly in my ears, the scent of incense used to honor Lord Nataraja lingering in my nose. I could have gone anywhere, performed with my gender intact, but I had fallen in love with India. I knew the language, knew how the government worked, knew its history, and I loved it. I wanted to perform for the people here. My _guru_ ended up suggesting the idea to us. Disguise me as a girl, give me a new name, make me a courtesan in the courts of India.

And I had all gone smoothly. I went from Eren Jaeger to Sikari, with my mother, Carla. Sought after, but always I refused. Kathak was more important to me than love. Until... Until Prince Levi.

I felt my eyes sting and wetness spill onto my cheeks. Prince Levi. I was ready to give up the one thing that sustained me for a man that haunted my thoughts and dance. And I was scorned, tossed aside, hated, despised. And yet, I still loved him. I was attuned to my feelings and emotions, a necessary thing to do in order to correctly portray emotions in dance. If this wasn't love, love didn't exist.

A knock sounded on the door and Mother stepped in.

"Why are you crying, Eren?" she asked. It felt good to hear my name again.

"Incense smoke," I automatically replied.

She smiled and shook her head. I noticed a sheet of paper with messy, scrawled handwriting across it.

"Is that from Father?" I asked.

Mother smiled and looked down at it. "Yes, he said Mikasa and Armin were writing you as he mailed this, so your letter shouldn't be too far away."

I smiled, "Did he say anything about me?"

"He said he loves you."

I drew my mother into a hug and felt my heart pinch. I wished I could have another man's love, and not in the paternal way.

_**Sitar- a long necked Indian instrument with a large base**_

_**Tukras- the general names for sequences**_

_**Mudras - hand gestures**_

_**Lord Nataraja - a form of Lord Shiva, Nataraja is the god that dances the world into oblivion and out of it, dancing with cosmic fire on top of a demon of ignorance.**_

_**PM with questions! Also, this will be last chapter I post before Christmas and New Years. I'll try and update the other stories, but this one will continue in January! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!**_


	6. Midnight

_Levi_

I shot up out of bed, panting, sweat coating the back of my neck. Once I realized it was a dream, I buried my face in my hands and suppressed a scream of indignation. That expression on Eren's face from 8 months ago still haunted me; that heartbroken, sorrow-filled expression paired with saddened emerald eyes. I rolled out of bed and tossed a dressing robe before stepping out into the hallway. It was silent. I wandered around, trying to rid myself of that dream.

_"Levi, I really do love you," he whispered, voice husky._

_"You're a _courtesan_, Eren, and courtesans and royalty can't be together."_

_"I'm risking the thing that I love most in this world for you," Eren murmured, lips grazing my ear._

_"Eren, enough. I told you I was done with you. You're a man, if being a courtesan isn't enough reason."_

_"You think I care that we're the same gender? I love you, Prince Levi. And I know you love me as well."_

_"Lie."_

_Eren pulled away, hurt. "I'm sorry that you think so."_

I started when I realized where I had wandered. It was the main court room, where I had first seen Eren dance. I felt my head spin as I remembered Eren's dance. The grace and the beauty of it, the precise delicacy. But somehow, it looked more beautiful now that I knew his gender. It explained his ability to seem powerful yet still be feminine. His eyes seemed brighter in my memories of him dancing now... Damn, stop it Levi.

I shook my head and stepped out to the middle of the floor where Eren would have stood if he was performing. I stared out towards the throne where Father, Mother, and I sat, and imagine the hall filled with courtiers and servants. I felt sweat gather on the back of my neck. It was a terrifying thing. To have all these important people watching you, judging you, your life and your reputation and your livelihood depending on them.

I heard a jingling noise and a soft gasp that I knew far too well. I turned to see Eren Jaeger staring at me. He averted his eyes quickly and sank into a bow. I couldn't rip my eyes away. He wore a _salwaar kameez_, perfectly tailored to his body. It was simple, plain white, and I could barely make out the lines of his torso. The _ghungroos_ on his feet chimed in the empty darkness. He wore no scarf, and his face was open for anyone to view his identity in the starlight that leeched in the room. His tan skin shone against the stark white of his clothes, and his eyes glowed brightly in the dark.

"Prince Levi... Your Highness, I didn't expect you to be out," Eren said, potent eyes downcast in submission. But even I could see the sadness in his gaze. His deepened voice was heavy.

"What are you doing out?" I asked, glad my tone was bored while my heart was pounding. This damn lust just wouldn't go away...

His eyes drifted up to meet mine, and their intensity made my heart throb with what definitely did not feel like lust. "I was just going to practice a little," he replied in a flat tone that did not mask his grief.

"Without a scarf? Idiot courtesan," I replied.

His eyes flashed with a streak of anger that immediately died down into a pining look. "No one is usually out at this late. I'll remember that's not always the case."

I scoffed and turned heel to walk back to my quarters before my desire overcame me and I kissed him. I internally shuddered. I was shocked at the fact that I wanted to, despite the fact that he was male. Oddly enough, I was starting not to care. I grimaced and looked over my shoulder to see Eren moving out to the center of the floor.

I slowed, then turned. Eren stood in the middle of the floor, hands pronated, pointing towards each other in front of his chest, pointer and thumb lightly touching on each finger. His feet were in a "v", the toes facing out towards the thrones. I crept closer, feet making no noise, curious as to what the brat was up to. I stood behind one of the columns and watched as Eren's shining emerald eyes became slightly glazed and yet more potent. I immediately recognized this gaze. This was his Kathak gaze. He was aware of nothing except his dance, yet everything about the audience's reactions was acutely aware to him.

I saw his chest expand and relax, and he started to dance to a song the reverberated in his mind, the music meant for no one else.

But yet his movements, his expressions, his _ghungroos_, they all sang to me. The all let me hear the song in his mind. And my breath left me as I watched. This was not like his other performances. This was purely his Kathak spilling out in a way that was only meant for him and those closest to him to see. His body sang out to me, his eyes shone with an intensity not meant for others to see. Now I understood why he chose here to dance, and why this time. This was something he could only do when alone, in the place of his choosing. He suddenly spun, and started spinning towards me, involuntarily. I started skirting the edge of the columns, and he kept following me, like my gravity was pulling him to me.

I ended up in the same place as before as Eren's _chakras_ stopped. He continued, unaware of the gravity that had pulled him around the floor. I got lost in his dance, in the music of his feet and _ghungroos_, in the movement of his arms, in the emotions the flowed freely out of him. My heart ached painfully as I watched, his Kathak touching me. It spoke of desire, of need, of... Love. This was his way of releasing all his pent up love. And it surged into my soul.

He ended and the chiming of his _ghungroos_ ended. The world shimmered for a few seconds, then broke away like water, sliding off and leaving its pure residue in my mind. A surge of possessiveness overwhelmed me. I didn't want anyone, ANYONE seeing him dance like that except me. I wanted him to only dance like that when he was around me. No one else. I wanted to be the one to cause him to dance like that. And with that dance, I hit the rock hard truth. It choked me and made my heart stop aching, made my soul stop burning.

I loved him.

My mind immediately went quiet and peaceful. It was true then. I loved him. Oh, it was a relief to think it, I loved Eren. I was a little shocked to think that it didn't matter that Eren was a man. But it was peace, it was happiness to finally accept that.

I broke out of my stupor when I saw Eren sitting and untying his _ghungroos._ The rope unwound from his ankles, the bells tossing bits of scattered brass light everywhere. He stood with lithe grace and walked towards his rooms. I followed, not quite sure what I was doing. I trailed behind him in the darkened halls until his deep voice echoed to me, sending shivers up my spine.

"What are you doing awake, Mother?" he asked, concern lacing his tone.

"You were gone, and I was a little worried," Carla replied.

"Mother, I was just dancing," Eren said, love and amusement saturating his voice. I instantly grew jealous.

"You could have been caught, Eren, be careful."

"I know Mother."

"Anyways, I have your letters. Armin wrote one, and so did Mikasa."

I blanched slightly. Mikasa? Who was that? A girl back home?

"I'll read them tonight. Something else is on your mind, Mother, what is it?"

Carla's tone became guarded. "We can talk about it in the morning, Eren."

"No, what is it?" Eren asked stubbornly.

"I... Your father wants me home, Eren."

I felt Eren's shock filter into my system.

"And you want me to go back to Germany with you," Eren said. It was definitely not a question.

"Eren, only if you want to. If you want to stay and keep performing, you're old enough now." Carla replied.

Eren was silent, and I could feel his tension mixing with my own fear. He would leave. Leave me, and he'd have reason to. I'd broken his heart. But I loved him. I... I couldn't... He couldn't!

"Let me sleep on it, Mother," Eren replied.

With that, the Jaegers bid each other goodnight and slipped into their rooms. I walked numbly back to my own room. He might leave.

I stepped into my room. He may go back, away from me.

I shed the dressing gown. He had every right to.

I climbed into bed. But I didn't want him to.

Anger suddenly swamped my brain. But he was being asked back home by a girl who wrote him a letter. This girl... People don't write letters unless the feel attached to you. And this girl, this _Mikasa_, was attached to my Eren.

No, I couldn't let him go home. I couldn't. He couldn't go back to this girl, Mikasa. No, no one else could love him.

I seethed in anger at this girl who was in a different continent. She couldn't have him.

Anger bubbled in my system as sleep overtook me. Eren was mine.

_**OKAY I LIED I just couldn't wait to write this chapter and post it. This may be my favorite story to write for because it's something I'm so freaking passionate about. **_


	7. Confession

_Levi_

I peered out over the garden from my balcony and could hear the laughter of the ladies who played out there. I stared, the colors of the garden blurring a little as my thoughts turned elsewhere. How could I keep Eren here? I didn't want him leaving. I had to keep him here, away from that Mikasa and... A chill stole through me. It wasn't just a girl beckoning him home. It was a young boy as well. He had his pick of loves. I bent my head and gripped the railing tightly in anger. What was here for him? After I'd spurned him, what was left for him here? He could leave, unmask himself as a male, and perform as usual. But I was here. He couldn't leave me...

My thoughts were derailed by a scent that spiraled up from below the balcony. Metal and incense. I immediately shrank back to a corner and peered over the edge at a 2 rounded shapes, one of royal purple cloth and the other of fine black hair. The black one swiveled, then cast their face upwards, revealing it to be Carla. I watched as she deemed them to be alone and spoke quietly to Eren, barely enough for me to be heard.

"Are you sure no one will come here?"

"Mother," I heard that airy voice reply, slightly louder. "No one will. This is right below Prince Levi's room," -did I imagine a slight catch in his voice? - "and no one wants to antagonize him. What did you want to talk about so urgently that we couldn't even wait until the room?" A slightly irritated edge appeared in Eren's voice.

"Honey, your dad's sent someone to come pick us up if we're coming home. I want to know if you'll be returning home."

A sigh from Eren. "Mikasa wants me home. Armin doesn't care if I come home or not, he's happy if I stay, since he's not there anyways. I don't know Mother. I want to stay, but I don't know if there's anything keeping me here."

My heart stopped pumping blood and starting pumping anxious rage into my veins. I was here. How dare he think there wasn't anything worth staying for.

"Alright dear. I do need an answer by tomorrow at least, okay?" Carla asked.

"Yes Mother," Eren said. "I'm not very certain, but I am leaning towards going home. I miss Mikasa."

My heart replaced the anger with ice water and I stood, driven to the spot by those horrible words. I stood, numb while faintly hearing Eren bid his mother goodbye and walking out to the gardens.

A slow fury started to ebb into my being, and I felt my hands curl into fists at my sides. I wouldn't allow this. I couldn't allow this. I was going to do everything in my power to keep him here. If that meant blackmailing him, threatening to reveal his true identity, so be it. I wouldn't live here without him. I glared out over the grounds. This Mikasa was his calling home. This girl, this reason for leaving made me see red. He could not go home. I would not allow him to love her the way he loved me.

* * *

I gave Petra a small note and said, "Give this to Sikari, and don't you dare open it."

Petra rolled her eyes. "Yes, Your Highness." She left, carrying these words:

_Sapphire Court Room. Dress normally. Midnight._

I sat and let the fury grow in me, interludes of dinner and court going-ons only adding to my anger. How ignorant and blind were these people? So blissfully locked up in their worlds where they lived perfect lives, while hearts were broken outside. Daughters of dignitaries were introduced to me, all handsome in the most colloquial sense. Reddened lips and painted eyes that dulled in comparison to the emeralds that sent heat up my neck. Coy smiles and fluttering lashes in an attempt to be seductive, leaning forward in ways to try and tempt me while I was disgusted by the mounds of flesh subtly exposed to me. Gritted teeth in forced smiles, I managed to slip away to my rooms, where I shed the uncomfortably sequined _salwaar kameez_. I donned a plainer one, gold without embellishment. I sat on my bed and fumed as the time inched towards midnight.

I slipped out of my room and made my way to the Sapphire Court Room. It was a disused room, a remnant of older days. I slipped in the door to find it empty except for the dust that coated the floor, barely masking its marble intricacy. The pillars of the room spiraled up to hold a dome painted with royal blue, dotted with pinpricks of white. Three large round windows let in the moon and starlight and created a natural spotlight in the center of the floor. I moved away from the door to make my way around the outside of the pillars, not touching anything for fear of dirtying myself.

I heard the door creak open and turned to see the glimmer of green hover above the floor. Eren walked past the circle of pillars into the room, glancing about. He was dressed like a man, a cream _salwaar kameez_ moving with each of his lithe steps. His dark brown hair fluttered nervously as his eyes, his potent, beautiful eyes gleamed when they saw the space. Those orbs were filled with a sharp and sudden fear, however, when I spoke.

"You're late."

He turned to see me emerge out of the circle of pillars. He cast his eyes down and bowed.

"I apologize, Your Highness. You called me?" he asked, deep voice quiet, making my insides squirm with pleasure and anger.

I strode towards him as he looked up, fear turning to terror as I shoved him against a pillar, pressing my forearm to his chest.

"Who is Mikasa, you little shit," I snarled.

"Y-Your Highness?" he stammered, eyes wide with terror.

"Mikasa. Who. Is. She," I repeated.

"H-How d-do..."

"Because I heard you god damned idiot. Now who is she?!"

His eyes filled with comprehension. "The balcony..."

"And after I ran into you. Now who the hell is she?!" I demanded, voice at a vicious whisper.

"M-my sister, Your Highness."

I backed away, shock driving me away. He stared at me, eyes terrified but wondering.

"Why do you ask?" he questioned.

I put a hand to my forehead and walked to the center of the room, trying to figure out how to bluff my way out of the reason I had asked. Nothing appeared in my mind, and I was left stammering.

"It... I was curious."

"Your Highness," anger tinged his beautifully deep voice. "Curious enough to slam me into a pillar in the dead of night?!"

I didn't respond, I couldn't. He came up in front of me and looked me dead in the eye, something extremely courageous considering where we stood on the social scale and what I could do to him.

"Why," he asked.

My mind went blank as I looked at him. Waving brown hair that fell just short of eyes as bright as the sun during rain, tanned skin setting off lips that I ached to kiss.

"I don't want you to leave, and I thought she was someone you had a relationship with at home," I blurted, internally pummeling myself for stupidity.

Eren's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "I thought you didn't want me here. I thought I was a hated thing, someone who tricked you, someone you fell for but then realized you didn't care for." His voice was raw with hurt.

My mind was fogged and only one phrase was in mind. So it came out.

"I love you."

Eren stepped backwards in shock and anger laced his words. "Don't play with me."

"I love you Eren. I'm so sorry I didn't realize it before, I didn't know what to think, it just wasn't something I was used to..." I was blubbering, desperation in my voice. "... Please don't leave. I want you."

Eren stared at me, eyes bright with tears and unreadable with the conflicting emotions warring in his mind. He opened and shut his mouth a few times, unable to form words. His mouth finally stayed open to speak and there was a fierce... Something in his eyes. It scared me.

"You treat me like shit for months, and then when you finally tell because I'm leaving, and you expect me to stay and keep loving you?!" his voice was low but he was raging at me. I wasn't going to chastise him for it. I deserved it.

"I..." My plan was gone. My plan to blackmail him and threaten him to make sure he stayed disintegrated. I couldn't do that to him. "Please," was the only word I could choke out.

He plunged a hand into his hair, anger sharpening his features, but also desperation. "What's to keep you from doing that again to me, hm? From breaking my heart and stringing me along like a lost dog?!"

I was lost. I didn't know how to convince him that I would never do that again, that I wanted to go back in time and change all that. But time doesn't give second chances. Only Eren could give me the chance to prove that I truly loved him. I steeled my nerves and stepped up to him, forcing our eyes to meet. I stood on my toes and carefully pressed my mouth to his.

It was pure bliss. I could feel him stiffen in shock, frozen with fear but a trace of want filtered into the kiss by the way his lips parted slightly. His lips were soft and tasted of water. I murmured into his lips, "Give me a chance, I really do love you."

I pulled away to see tears glistening on his cheeks, eyes bright with starlight. My voice came out, rough and broken sounding.

"Please."

Eren stumbled out of the room, a sob lingering as his last word to me, a sound that made my own eyes burn and blur.

_**Hello! I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas and New Years! Sorry I didn't post earlier, essays were cramping my time :PP**_

_**PM with questions, review, you know the drill :)**_


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